7.5.25 - notes app on my phone

not a romantic yearning- no.
an innocent touch where I am reminded of the patterns of life,
the quiet ebb and flow of a breath,
the barbed nurture to stay still
that everyone learns and forever and beautifully fuck up
and that warmth- too intoxicating to ask for

in a time where touch is nuanced, and it's innocence buried deep in romance
where worms try to wriggle in;
a gentle touch-
a longing to forget the cold stillness of the world,
reminded in the moment that the comfort that exists
in my body like a transaction can be
gentler,
nurtured away from lust
and softer on the heart

next time
do not apologise for brushing my hand,
or losing your balance on a winding bus-
linger until you feel safe
and you gain your footing,
we cannot all run from our adorable clumsiness
despite how we try
to hide our embarrassed smile,
when a stranger's face looks so unfamiliar without one.

author's note

this piece i had written a while ago now and it was left in my notes app for quite some time. i do remember writing it though, and it definitely came at a low point where i realised i was drowning myself in intense emotions for the sake of it, and ended up basically digging myself into a depression forcefully from all the things i consumed and wrote. this was a way to dig out, to write something a lot softer and brighter and tone and reflect internal struggles with romantic/platonic affection i had during the time.

in honesty, this piece still feels very relevant to me and for notes app vomit, i think the ideas in it about losing human touch and a severely individualistic society have some legs that i'd love to explore with more intent in another piece!